apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
