I intend to get homeless drunk
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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