Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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