Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
They have beer where we have blood.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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