i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
