If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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