oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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