Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
