me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
