booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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