Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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