Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
