i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
