i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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