The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
