I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
