Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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