You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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