i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
