i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
