I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
