i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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