Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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