There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
