I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
