Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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