Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
