Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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