Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
