4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
