he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
