Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
