dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
