I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
