At least make sure they are 18
Why
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
