So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
