Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
