And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
