I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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