You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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