Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
