Sry I called you an 8
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
