Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
