You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
