Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
