I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
