he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
