it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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