he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
