Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
