Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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