so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
