I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
