I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
no, he came in my armpit
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize