you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
