dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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