i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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