i just had sex bonerless
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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