No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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