make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
