I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize