I'm passing your future prison.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
