We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
