its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Your cock deserves a montage
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
