Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
